


I can't make you love me

by BokuAkaIsLife



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a song, Break Up, Crying, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Gay Ennoshita, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Kinda, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Mention of sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rare Pairings, Songfic, Straight Tanaka, Tanaka can drive bc why not, Tears, Teen Angst, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Yaoi, breakdown - Freeform, ennoshita cries, suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 04:12:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10325351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BokuAkaIsLife/pseuds/BokuAkaIsLife
Summary: Ennoshita loves him. Tanaka tries his best. Ennoshita lets him go.He loved him. He loved him so much. But why did it hurt this bad?





	

**Author's Note:**

> this rare pair needs to be well known enough to have more angst bc i like to suffer
> 
> i legit cried while writing this lol
> 
> also posted on dA http://jazz-demo.deviantart.com/ 
> 
> Q https://www.quotev.com/bkupAimz
> 
> & wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/user/Jazz-demo

([listen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo9-_08T1GQ) while reading)

 

He loved him. He loved him so much. But why did it hurt this bad?

 

Ennoshita could see it clearly, every suppressed flinch when he told Tanaka just how much he loved him. The tenseness in his shoulders when they embraced, his hesitance to return every kiss.

 

And Ennoshita knew why.

 

He remembered when he confessed to his team mate, the surprised look in his eyes, the _pity,_ the conflict. He never wanted Tanaka to look at him like that, he never wanted to make Tanaka make that kind of face.

 

His lips wobbled as it turned into a smile, "I-...I like you too Chika", Ennoshita felt his chest swell, he was happy, so happy that he almost missed the tears welling in Tanaka's eyes. Chikara never wanted his feelings to make Ryu cry.

 

When Ennoshita wrapped his arms around the male, Tanaka trembled and placed gentle hands on his back, so gentle Chika almost didn't feel it. He only brought Tanaka closer, he regrets that now.

 

He regrets everything that he did, he regrets confessing, regrets ignoring the sound of Ryu crying from the other side of the door. He regrets ignoring how Tanaka curled up in a ball against the wall after they had sex for the first time.

 

He regrets everything, and he hates everything that he did. He hates the thought of putting the male through pain, he regrets forcing him to be in this relationship, he regrets not letting him go sooner.

 

So he stands here now, at Tanaka's door, fighting the lump in his throat, he lifted a hesitant hand to ring the doorbell. The corners of his lips turn up into a sad smile when he hears crashing on the other side of the door and a familiar yelp, he loves him.

 

Ennoshita shook his head, he couldn't back out now, he couldn't be selfish. The door swings open, and the excitable male stopped in shock "Ch-Chika, I didn't know you were coming, did you text me?" he reaches for his pocket to pull out his phone.

 

"No, I didn't text, I'm sorry for stopping by all of the sudden" Chikara stops him before he goes through any extra trouble. Ryuunosuke pauses, drawing his hand away from his pocket, leaning down slightly, this was where Ennoshita usually presses a kiss to his lips, a small tradition whenever he went to visit his boyfriend.

 

Tanaka's eyes fell closed, he could hear the light scraping on the wall as the male clutched the door frame tightly, trying his best to hide his uncomfort. Ennoshita bit into his lip, leaning forward, his lips brushed the male's cheek for barely a second. Ryu's eyes snapped open in surprise, but Chikara didn't stop to look, stepping inside the house and brushing passed him.

 

There was a pause, before the sound of the door closing reached his ears. Ennoshita took deep breaths, waiting for Tanaka to enter the living room with him. He could hear the gentle padding of Ryu's bare feet on the wooden floors as he came up behind him.

 

"Chika? What's this about?" he mumbled, his voice hesitant and wary, the kind of wary that made a pool of dread form in his stomach. Ennoshita gripped the fabric of his pants in his hands tightly and slowly turned to face his boyfriend.

 

"I'm breaking up with you"

 

The look on Ryu's face was one that caused just as much pain as the face he made when he first confessed. Confusion, hurt, surprise, _relief._ "But-- I don't understand, did I do something wrong?".

 

The lump in his throat was growing, it burned, his chest compressed to tightly that he thought it would collapse in on itself. His eyes stung, pricking with tears that he tried so desperately to keep at bay. He could feel his combed back hair falling in front of his face, and he was grateful for it, as he shook his head. 

 

"No, you were perfect" he whispered, letting out a sad laugh, sucking in a choked sob. "You were perfect except for one thing", his eyes, which had been locked on the floor, rose to look at Tanaka's face.

 

He regretted that too, he was worried, he looked like he was in pain, pain from watching Ennoshita's pain. His kind empathy almost made Chikara want to cry even more, "what is it? I'll try and fix it--"

 

Chikara shook his head, lower lip trembling, his teeth sinking into it to desperately stop the tremors "you can't, Ryu. You can't love me" his voice cracked pitifully mid sentence. Tanaka's morphed into surprise, guilt, Ennoshita didn't want him to be guilty. 

 

"I-I do, I do love you"   

 

"Please Tanaka, don't lie to me" he voice came out as a whisper, tears building so blindingly high in his eyes, he could barely see his boyfriend's face, for this, he was grateful.

 

"I love you" he sobbed, a pained smile stretching across his face "so I'm letting you go". Tanaka stepped forward, hands reaching out, Ennoshita recoiled, stepping back and holding out his hands "please, please don't make this harder, if you touch me-- I won't be able to do this".

 

His voice wavered, but Tanaka followed his wishes, staying still and staying silent "I noticed it, I've been noticing it for a while, I tried to ignore it but I can't do this anymore. I can't be selfish".

 

Chikara took a deep breath, unable to contain himself any longer, he couldn't help the hot drip of tears that spilled from his eyes, he had a clear view now. The tears building in Tanaka's eyes, his eyebrows pinched together in sadness, he clenched his jaw tightly, trying his best to hold back from saying anything, letting Ennoshita speak. That was another thing he loved about the hot head.

 

"I can't make you love me, if you don't" Ennoshita's hands came up to his chest, he grasped onto his clothes above his heart, desperately hoping for the pain to stop "you can't make your heart feel something it won't". His breath stuttered as he breathed in, his body trembled and his knees buckled, he almost felt like collapsing to his knees, but he stayed put, he stood his ground, for Tanaka.

 

"I know how you feel Tanaka, I know you tried so hard for me, and I'm grateful. I'm so grateful you gave me a chance--" his voice hitched in his throat, and he had to take a second, head turning away. Ennoshita took deep breaths, shoulders shaking at the effort it took to hold in his sobs.

 

"I'm breaking up with you because I love you" he whispered, looking up at Tanaka's face, afraid of what he'd see.

 

Tanaka's expression mirrored his own, tears streaming down his face, hose red and veins becoming apparent in his throat from how hard he was trying to keep down any noises.

 

Ryuunosuke rushed forward, arms winding around the male tightly, Ennoshita collapsed, Tanaka fell with him. They ignored the pain that radiated up their legs "thank you!" Tanaka cried, his voice was heavy. Ryu didn't want to be grateful, he didn't want to be happy that Ennoshita was breaking his own heart for Tanaka's sake.

 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he cried into Ennoshita's shoulder. The man sat there in his arms, head tipped back, arms compressed between Tanaka's chest and his own, his lips were parted, and he said nothing.

 

Tears slipped from the edges of his eyes, making their slowly trail down to his hair line, he sat there, motionless as the person he loved most in this world thanked him for letting him go.

 

 

 

 

Tanaka drove Ennoshita home that night, and Ennoshita hadn't said a word since Tanaka's break down. As they pulled up outside his house, Tanaka gulped "Chika..." he whispered, Ennoshita flinched. Tanaka bit his lip, and glanced away "...are we still friends?" he whispered.

 

Chikara paused for a moment before letting out a light laugh "of course Ryu" he reached over, placing a hand on the male's buzz cut and giving a gentle rub. Relief flooded through the male and his eyes closed, he leaned into the gentle hand "thanks Chika".

 

Ennoshita tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the pain that panged in his chest at the way Tanaka was so relaxed with his touch, now that they were friends, he had no reason to be tense, no reason to be uncomfortable. Ennoshita was happy, because the person he loved was happy.

 

 

 

Chikara stepped into his house, door shutting behind him, he toed his shoes of sloppily and stepped inside "Chika? That you?" he could hear his mother call from the kitchen "I made dinner".

 

He paused,  biting his lip and slowly padding through the house, he sat down at the table "you came home so late from visiting Ryu, we were worried, your father already went to bed" she sighed, placing the plate in front of him.

 

Ennoshita's head lowered, and he stared down at the plate of food in front of him, warm, filled with love as his mother put it. He scooped some food onto his spoon, slowly lifting it to his lips and slipping it in his mouth. As the food hit his tongue, realization seemed to hit him .

 

It was over. Ryu wasn't his anymore. He was alone. Tears welled in his eyes and the spoon slipped from his fingers, clattering to the floor "Ch--" his mother went to scold him, pausing when she saw her son lift her head.

 

She hadn't seen tears fall so fast from his face since he was a baby "mum" he whispered, "darling" she whispered, rushing around the table to wrap her arms around her.

 

As she pressed her son's head to her chest, he broke. He opened his mouth loud and let out a scream, the pain that rubbed his throat from the volume of his scream barely compared to the excruciating pain that shot through his chest.

 

His mother tried her best to soothe her son, "shh" she whispered, trying desperately to quiet his cries. She ached, she pained for her son, her baby.

 

Ennoshita was upset. But Ennoshita was happy.

 

Because Tanaka was happy.


End file.
